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4 degrees

5 January 2010

computer hobo chic

that’s the temp outside right now. inside, i should be warm and toasty, right? hmph. then why am i wearing these while typing?

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yes, i’m wearing fingerless gloves at my desk and no, it’s not easy to type with them on. thank baby Jesus for the Fn+delete keys. while i’m at it, i might as well also confess that i also have a chartreuse fleece Ikea blanket on my lap as well. i look like a… booger? a very, unhealthy booger. people might say i should see a doctor… for more reasons that one.

anywho, i started getting a sore throat yesterday and this morning, it was worse. not bad enough that i took anything but you know, annoying. oh well. i’m going to keep eating well and drinking lots of water (i’m on about 60 oz so far today) and hope that it goes away.

school starts next week and i’ll have class every tuesday night so my plan for the next few days is to get on a M/W/F workout schedule with yoga on T/Th or at least on the weekends. hopefully some cardio on the weekends too.  but for tonight, i’m onto Workout B out of the Big Book of Exercises. i think that’s core, glutes/hams, shoulders, biceps and quads, i think. call me crazy but i’m kinda looking forward to it.

but, and this is a big butt (pun intended), i have a problem. see, i’m embarrassed to workout where anyone can see me. and at home, that “anyone” would be my husband so that really shouldn’t be a big deal.

but to me, it is.

i’m a novice at this stuff and he’s johnny know-it-all (not in a mean way, he just has his routine and can do it blindfolded) and though i’m fairly certain he’s not secretly judging/laughing at me in his head, i think he is. it goes back to that wonderful self-loathing thing i have going on. i think i look stupid/fat/ugly/gross. i don’t want him to see how i look in my workout gear when i’m flexing my glutes… (remember the photo from yesterday? um, yeah.)

but it’s not really healthy-minded OR realistic to not share the home gym with my husband. i’m sure some people would just say, “get over it,” and believe me, i wish it were that easy. the majority of my anxiety would melt away if i could just “get over” any number of the things that cause me anxiety (did i mention before that i have anxiety issues? well, i do). i WANT to be able to share the space with him and have him there for moral support but my brain just says all these judgey things and… *gah*… it just goes to a bad place. me no likey.

actually, i don’t mind if he’s there when i’m on the treadmill, it’s the weights and squats and pushups and whatnot that are embarrassing. partially too because i’m a complete weakling. (*waves at her modified push-ups from Day 1*)

i gotta figure it out, right? i mean, it’s 4 degrees out right now but soon enough, that’s going to be 74 degrees and i want to feel good about my arms in that tank top and my legs in that skirt. so, i’ll chip away at it all, inside and outside.

progress that is slow is still progress.

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